How I came to Kum Nye Tibetan Yoga

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"With some practice, joy, not depression becomes the foundation of our lives, enthusiasm, not despair, becomes the engine that makes us go."

 

 

At the age of twenty-five I was a horrid mess, and landed in a psychiatric ward after a serious suicide attempt. This attempt was preceded by, and followed by many years of depression and angst about life. I was cynical and lost, isolated, and disconnected from my body, drifting along without any sense of purpose.

 

I drank at the very least too much and too often, experienced the anxiety and guilt of self-loathing and spent a huge amount of time and energy drinking or recovering from drinking.

 

I was well into my thirties before there was a glimmer of hope, and I started my spiritual pursuit with A Course In Miracles and other self-help approaches, eventually stopping drinking completely and dabbling in twelve step groups for a few years.

 

At the bottom of the pile was a relentless depression that seemed impossible to ever really move away from, and it scared me too. I remember very significantly-- before heading into the depression that landed me in hospital--dreaming that I was swallowed by a whale. 

 

It was before I stopped drinking that it occurred to me that instead of fighting the depression, that I surrender to it and just listen. This  new fresh idea came out of nowhere. As I did just that--sat with the feelings in my body-- that I felt a slow shift. Out of the inky blackness, out of the sinking and angst a new feeling emerged. I wouldn't have called it joy at that time, but it was a feeling of liberation, as if I had tapped into a new energy source. Something moved.

 

Although challenging, this became my meditation practice. I would sink into the dense feelings, the oppression and muddiness, and a joy began to emerge. I am aware that as a result of this focus, and as a result of many other tools and practices, that the feeling of separation, the sense of aimlessness and isolation gradually evaporated.

 

When I got my hands on a Kum Nye text a few years ago, I was delighted to see this process described in pragmatic and practical terms. Rinpoche Tarthang Tulku wrote that it is not our feelings that hurt us, it is our labels that cause us harm, or, if you like, our ideas about our feelings.  With some practice, joy, not depression becomes the foundation of our lives, enthusiasm, not despair, becomes the engine that makes us go.

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I don't advocate that exact practice; to delve into the heart of darkness. It is wiser to establish a lightness of being that, mixed with compassion, helps us to open these stuck places.

 

I don't know that it necessarily takes despair to trigger profound life changes, but it seems that this is often the truth.  Possibly despair forces us to muster courage. I can't really claim to be more courage than anyone else, its in all of us.

 

So, why do I want other people to enjoy the benefits of Kum Nye? Because in my experience, the degree of suffering that many people feel is unnecessary, and not really that helpful. The energy that we have working against us can be turned around and used for us. I believe that the transformation of the planet comes from our individual hero's journeys, each very unique, each a prized part of the puzzle.