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Commitment

 

Let's take another look at the word commitment before we start to use it in a sentence, because it is a sort of sentence we put on ourselves, apparently to make something stronger inside of us, or to prove something to us or someone else, and to build the idea that 'yes we can'.

 

It is one of those words which has a bit of a command built in it, and certainly an element of 'I should, I must.'

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The word commitment itself conjures up for me the image of preparing for battle against the forces of ego, laziness or  indifference.

 

On the other hand, it is natural to want to grow and change, to eventually get unstuck from both the minor and the consuming habits and addictions that seem to prevent us from forward movement.

 

If there is a way to take the weight out of the word,  and to stop using it as a weapon against ourselves, let's take that route.

 

My attitude is that there is so  much to distract us, and so much that either gets or needs our attention, that the idea of making a commitment to ourselves is extremely challenging.

 

As well, just what does this commitment to self mean, and look like?  And what is this self?

 

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In Kum Nye, the word Kum refers to presence and is also associated with space. Therefore the Self is ultimately found in space.  An expanded Kum is the result of creating more room inside, opening ourselves to space, to  the unknown and unformed.

 

A commitment to something so intangible requires an act of trust and faith. Kum Nye is an inward looking practice. When we practice Kum Nye, looking inward, we notice that something begins to change for the better. This encourages us to move forward 

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I'd like to share some ideas I learned many years ago from a training called Insight Seminars, related to commitment to self:

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First, we all hold some degree of commitment to ourselves, and this commitment varies from day to day. Circumstances often influence this commitment, as do other factors.  When we are fully committed to ourselves, those influences matter very little. Full commitment to ourselves is not a requirement of this challenge, but there is great value in deepening our dedication even just a little.  

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Here are some examples of some of the influences that affect our commitment. Let's say, it just depends:

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It depends on how I feel that day

It depends on how much energy I have

It depends on how busy I am.

It depends on whether I have met the needs of others around me first

It depends on what others around me are doing, saying or thinking.

It depends on whether what I am doing inspires me.

It depends on any number of other external factors. 

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This is a short list, and you probably have a few 'it depends' as well.

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Scale

 

Here is an exercise that I introduced into an outpatient program which, after only a week, increased the group's commitment level a thousand fold. What is interesting is that when the group committed to themselves, they also committed to each other. 

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Every day, on a scale of one to ten, evaluate your level of commitment to yourself. Be intuitive in finding the number that fits. 

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10 = no matter what, I am 100% here, doing whatever it takes.

 9 = I have one reservation to being here.

 8 = there might be a few things that would prevent me from being 100% .

 7 = well it depends on how good the material is....

 6 = if it feels good

 5 = if I have the energy

 4 = if there's nothing better to do

 3 = it depends on a lot of things

 2 = nobody understands me.

 1 = life sucks

 

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This is rather arbitrary, but you get the point. There are many issues surrounding our commitment to self, like self esteem, the demands life makes, perhaps our habits and addictions, perhaps confusion about our identity, perhaps playing a role for someone else's comfort, or simply not wanting to rock the boat.  Because of these undercurrents, be gentle and take a gradual approach as you gain insight into the barriers to committing to you. 

 

In evaluating day to day, promise yourself that you won't judge, just measure, and perhaps add, "What might I do that would increase that number just by one?" And let that come to you.  Don't make effort to change, simply observe, and as objectively as you can, simply notice.  

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Awareness and acceptance are the keys for you. Be honest, say what is so for you, even if it feels painful  or brings up fear. There is a freedom in telling yourself the truth.

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Motivation

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Even after we have seen the benefit of even a few days practice, how do we maintain our energy and enthusiasm? When working with people in early recovery from addiction,  I noticed that the first few miles were easy miles. The body felt better, there was a sense of relief, and a huge negative force wasn't holding people back.

 

After a while, though, the challenges started coming, and life becomes a roller-coaster. As we release blockages at a physical level, we will encounter negativity and resistance to moving forward as it surfaces to be released. 

 

How do you encourage yourself to keep on going in spite of this? How we encourage ourselves, and how we handle set-backs is an important part of the healing process. Often what appears to be a set-back is really just another part of the road. If you consider that everything that is happening inwardly and outwardly can be used for your growth and expansion, the energy that was against you begins to work for you.

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Even some of our worst habits and experiences can turn into the greatest teachers.

 

If you have  a tendency to push yourself forward, relax and open. If you find that you give up just a little too soon, encourage yourself to take that one extra step. 

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